Tag Archives: Self esteem

Who? Me? – Part 1

“It’s going to take a while but I am going to get there.” Melanie was forceful. Melanie was adamant but was she convincing?

“What are you waiting on?” Cynthia was oh too familiar with saying that phrase to her friend.

Melanie dropped her head looking for the imaginary fist that had just punched her in the gut. She pulled in a long…long, long breath through her nostrils before she projected her eyes on to her old friend.

Cynthia recognized the expression projected on to her and worked to decode it, piece by piece. “So you want ‘It’ right?

There was silence on the other end of the conversation. Only bright, round eyes fixed in her direction. “Um, Melanie. Are you in there girlfriend?”

Melanie took another slow breath before exiting her stupor. “Um…” Gulp! “Yeah…um yeah. Of course I want ‘It’.” Her eyes slipped from her friend’s face to the floor tracing the diagonal design of the tiling pattern.

Soon Melanie’s eyes was tracing the design of Cynthia’s shiny leather pumps. Her friend had snuck up on her without any warning. “Guess what Mel. ‘It’ is reachable. You see it, right?”

 

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Life Passages VII – Enough is Enough

“So are you coming?!” Lila eventually screams, after repeatedly asking Madeleine whether she’d join herself and a group of classmates preparing to bail from school after second period.

“You know, I was thinking…” Madeleine finally replied.

Lila rolls her eyes. “What the hell were you thinking, and why?”

“Well I was thinking, cause I was trying to picture 2 futures. One where I leave with you and “the gang”, and another where I remain true to who I am, and what I know, and stay here and go to class…” Madeleine began to reply

Lila interrupts Madeleine. “You know what Chica, I don’t have time for this, and quite frankly I’m getting really tired of your constant weirdness.” She said in a mocking tone.

Madeleine carefully thought then said flippantly; “You know what? I don’t want to waste anymore of your time…and anymore of mine.” Then looking Lila squarely in the eyes she continued; “Have a great life Lila. See you on the other side of High School. I hope it all works out for Ya!”

With her mouth gapped open, Lila stares at Madeleine as she turns and walks down the school hall way to her next class.

Feeling a sense of pride, and confidence; immediately following her class, Madeleine made an appointment with the school counselor to discuss the best track toward the best colleges, and scholarships. Still she felt as though something was missing. She missed being a part of something, and having companionship. Feeling distracted by this issue, she wondered how to fix what she considered a problem.

Madeleine marched off to the school library with no real solution in sight. For now, she’ll return to her old friendship with books…

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Life Passages VI – The Confrontation

“I don’t know what I was thinking?” Madeleine admits to her father; Robert while riding with him, in his car.
“I think I know.” Robert calmly replies.
“Dad, I know…I know! Can I not get a major speech this second?” Madeleine tells her father in a frustrated tone.
“A Speech?..Who said anything about a speech?” Robert responds scarcastically. “I mean this is the highlight of my life. I’ve dreamed and longed for this moment – to get the long-awaited call that my 16 year old daughter has been arrested.” Robert replies.
“Detained Dad!…Detained, not arrested!” Madeleine intensely informs her father, then rolls her eyes.
“Oh! Excuse me for my incorrect choice of words Madeleine!” Robert glances disapprovingly at Madeleine, then back at the road and shakes his head.
“Can I ask you a question Mads?” Robert eventually says after brief silence between them. “Are you afraid to be different?…Does the idea of standing out scare the crap out of you?”
Madeleine glances at her Dad and rolls her eyes yet again.
Following a lack of response from his daughter Robert looks at Madeleine briefly.
“So does it?…Does it frighten you to raise the standard?” Robert repeats.
Madeleine sighs heavily “Dad…” She breathes in deeply. “I have no idea what you’re talking about?”
Madeleine begins to mumble under her breath. “I’m just trying to enjoy my life…fake IDs – Big Deal!…Geez!”
“What’s that?” Robert chimes in loudly.
“Nothing Dad!” Madeleine quickly screams trying to match her Dad’s volume.
“So you’re happy right now – this second – about how your life is shaping up Mads?” Robert interrogates.
“Dad!…Please!…Chill out!” Madeleine buries her head in her hands.
“Ok, I will “Chill out”…Just remember fun ends some time and “cool friends” move on…You better know what you plan to do next!” Robert asserts.
The two continue the remainder of the ride home from the police precinct in silence.

 

 

 

 

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Life Passages V – The Dilemma

“Did you hear what I said, Mads?” Lila exclaims.

“Huh? …What?” Distracted Madeleine replies.

“Are you coming or not?” Lila quickly responds, in a frustrated tone.

“Coming? …Where again?” Madeleine asks as she mentally resurfaces.

“To the “Hip-Ball”…You know, the hottest underground party of the season?” Lila says excitedly.

“Yeah…Um…Don’t we have to be 18 to get in?” Madeleine asks with a confused expression.

“You know I’ve got that handled Girl!” Lila asserts. “Jonas is already working on the outrageous phony IDs.” Lila roars with laughter.

Madeleine silently ponders for a brief moment. “Ahh…Yeah, I don’t know about that Lila.”

“Huh? Why the heck not Mads?” Lila asks flabbergasted.

Madeleine pauses to consider her next move. Her mother’s caring, though preachy words, begin to fill her mind, blended with the burning desire to seamlessly fit-in at her new school forced upon her by her Father’s periodic work assignments. She catches Lila’s glaring gaze.

“I…I think that’s cool!” Madeleine manages to get out. “So does Jonas do this type of thing a lot?” Madeleine inquires.

“Yeah, of course…It’s his thing!” Lila replies spiritedly.

“Ah, ok.” Madeleine responds thoughtfully “Well…I guess it’s all good then!”  She exclaims with forced merriment.

“You know it is!” Lila responds as she puts her arms around Madeleine’s shoulders and leads her out of the high-school female bathroom.

To Be Continued…

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